Associated Evils of Abuse Actual drawing from deceased abuse victim Lisa Steinberg   In addition to the unspeakable pain suffered by the victims and survivors of child abuse there are a large number of associated evils which cause untold pain to victims and survivors, their families and unfortunate individuals. While some of these issues are highly controversial one thing upon which everyone can agree is that, if not for child abuse itself, these problems would not exist.   The Refusal To Discipline Though there is room for disagreement as to the methods to be employed most people agree that loving discipline is an important part of a child's upbringing. However in many instances children no longer receive appropriate loving discipline. Among the reasons this occurs is that a parent may have suffered abuse (or at least inappropriate discipline), as a child, and is therefore reluctant to administer discipline to his own children. In other cases publicity regarding abuse may cause a parent to avoid rational discipline altogether since he is afraid of "crossing the line" into abuse (rather than seeking instruction regarding appropriate discipline). It is, of course, impossible to gauge the effect of this failure to parent on future generations.   False Claims of Abuse It is the nature of human beings that wherever society establishes consequences for wrongdoing some individuals will take advantage of that situation by falsely accusing others. By its very nature child abuse lends itself to false accusations since there are rarely if ever witnesses to the crime and the severity of the crime is enormous. Conversely the willingness of some to accuse falsely undoubtedly leads to some number of guilty individuals escaping punishment for the horrible evil they commit.   © 1988 Ladies Home Journal   Custody One area especially prone to accusations, both true and false, is that of child custody disputes during divorce proceedings. Courts and judges are routinely faced with decisions which would tax the wisdom of Solomon in attempting to make good judgements in these cases. Again, due to the nature of child abuse itself, it is extremely difficult to determine the truth. How many marriages, families, careers and reputations have been destroyed via false accusations? How many children have been assigned to live with their abusers by a court which has been duped by a clever attorney and a lying client or a judge more interested in technicalities of the law than the well-being of the child? Another issue which frequently arises in the area of custody is that of parental kidnapping. When this occurs is it due to a parent's selfishness or valid concern for the protection of a child?   Abuse by Those in Authority Of all the perpetrators of abuse, aside from one's own parents, perhaps the most heinous are those people who are in positions of trust. It is sickening to hear how often a child is victimized by someone in whom he has been taught to trust-- sometimes after having confided his awful secret to this new perpetrator. The listof these cruel individuals includes among others psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors, priests and other clergy, doctors, nurses,police, teachers, social workers, foster parents and coaches. We are in NO way condemning these livelihoods or all of the individuals who work in these fields, since so many of these individuals are truly genuine and helpful in the lives of these hurting children. It only takes one evil person to give the system a bad name and create additional fear in the ranks. In some cases there is even evidence that a perpetrator has chosen a particular field in order to be in contact with children. In other cases when a perpetrator is finally exposed it is revealed that serious suspicions have existed for a long time.   Child Protective Services This agency, the arm of the government responsible for the wellbeing of children, is frequently accused of contributing to the harm of children. Imagine the difficulty of investigating a report of abuse and attempting to decide whether or not it is accurate, whether or not a child is in immediate danger, and whether or not to forcibly remove a child from his home. Consider the damage even the most well-adjusted youngster might suffer if suddenly hustled from his home to placement in foster care or a juvenile facility and kept there, unable to communicate with his parents for what might be a matter of weeks or even longer. On the other hand in cases of abuse which end in a child's death it is not terribly unusual for Child Protective Services to have at least been aware of the existence of an abusive situation in advance. Some people who work for Child Protective Services, perhaps in response to their own experiences, are overzealous in their actions while others might tend to suffer from a bureaucrat's mindset. It goes without saying, of course, that many wonderful, caring and dedicated individuals also work for Child Protective Services. These days individuals and parents must become more discerning than ever before.   Foster Parents This is a position of extreme trust which provides a place to stay for children in need, often who have suffered severely. Sadly many cases of abuse and neglect have been reported even within foster care. As might be expected some foster parents are driven by greed or even the desire to be close to children for purposes of perpetrating abuse. As so often is the case reports regarding these foster parents tend to taint those foster parents whose motives are wonderfully pure.   Ritual Abuse For years certain individuals have claimed to be victims of a type of organized cruelty known as ritual abuse. According to these individuals they have been victimized by groups of perpetrators ranging from parents to Satan worshippers. This type of abuse is extremely controversial and opinions vary widely as to its very existence. Each of us must form an opinion regarding this issue armed with a variety of facts including: authority figures of all types are known to be perpetrators of abuse, perpetrators are notorious for their desire for secrecy, having committed the horrible act of child abuse other crimes in an effort to cover it up are well within the scope of possibility for a perpetrator, there are no "open and shut" textbook cases of proven ritual abuse, it appears that on occasion individuals and groups have been falsely accused of ritual child abuse, one would expect that if a group were guilty of planned, premeditated child abuse they would prepare for the eventuality of being accused, whether a given case ends in conviction or acquittal there is a real possibility a horrible injustice has been committed-- either ruining reputations and even lives or allowing victims to be victimized anew.   Recovered Memories Another controversial area involving child abuse is that of recovered memories. Since abuse often happens while one is very young it may be effectively forgotten for years while having a profound effect upon an individual's life. This can result in troubled relationships, addictions and any number of personal problems. In some cases as part of an individual's quest for healing from his problems, as a natural part of his recovery, he may discover his past abuse. Occasionally there have been reports of overzealous therapists who may have "helped" a client recall events involving abuse which might not have ever occured. Given that an individual may not seriously suspect possible abuse until decades after its occurence there are cases in which it is nearly impossible to objectively determine whether or not abuse has actually occured. Some memories are recovered only through the use of hypnosis-- the truth of which depends upon the integrity of the hypnotist and one's personal conclusions about the effectiveness of hynotherapy itself. We do know these facts-- many young children suffer abuse; abuse often causes an individual to struggle with numerous issues throughout his lifetime; it is reasonable to assume that some number of individuals seeking therapy have suffered abuse of some sort earlier in their lives.   Multiple Personalities One mechanism many children utilize for coping with the effects of child abuse is the development of multiple personalities-- Multiple Personality Disorder or MPD. In addition to the many challenges facing survivors large numbers of former victims find themselves dealing with the many issues associated with this coping mechanism. It is reasonable to assume that without the trauma of child abuse far fewer instances of MPD would occur.   Charlatans As with any area of life which means a great deal to certain individuals there emerge various human scum which attempt to take advantage of people in their most vulnerable positions. Like an attorney who shows up at the site of a disaster there are unscrupulous people who attempt to take advantage of victims and survivors. For this reason it is important to be alert to various counselors, therapy methods, cults and charitable organizations. When in doubt it is important to seek independent references for any person or individual who promises to be engaged in helping the victims and survivors of abuse. In order to avoid any possible concerns one might have regarding the motives behind Day of the Child we have chosen to refuse any and all financial contributions, instead encouraging donations to other worthy organizations.   Conclusion One word comes to mind as we look for a common thread in the above associated evils of child abuse-- sad. It hurts to know that the horrible crime against children known as child abuse so often continues to hurt throughout much of the life of the individual. Fortunately there is another word which also comes to mind-- hope. Hope because of the thousands of survivors with stories to tell-- stories of pain, stories of suffering but also stories of victory. As there is pain there is healing. It's real. It's true. It often takes amazing courage. But those who emerge on the other side of healing are some of the most beautiful, caring, empathetic, whole individuals walking the face of this planet. If you are hurting, please take just one step towards healing today. May God bless you.

 

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