Of all the horrible aspects of child abuse this is perhaps the worst. For there is not a single victim. Child abuse rips apart families, tears apart marriages, devastates homes. Consider a single case of abuse: a father, entrusted with the care of his child, instead abuses that precious being. His wife is torn, should she believe the child or her husband? Should she risk her marriage, the financial future of her and her children? The husband's parents are impacted. Should they get involved? Should they believe their son? Maybe it was an accident. The wife's parents are placed in a difficult position. Should they tell their daughter to leave? Do they want her to struggle through life as a single parent? The other children are scared. Is it their turn next? What will their friends think? Does this mean Mom and Dad are going to split up? Does this happen in all families? The husband: what has he done, how can he explain his actions. What if they find out
"The sins of the parents will be visited upon the children
even unto the third and fourth generations" Exodus 34:7picture of their family as a safe joyful haven is destroyed. The holidays where everyone pretends nothing has changed but of course everything is different. The wife who either battles life as a single mom and earns the scorn and suspicion of former friends and neighbors if she chooses not to share the reason for her marriage's breakup or, worse still, remains married, maintains her silence and lives with the guilt of having abdicated her fundamental responsibility to protect her child. Bitter, angry, hurt. The other children. Forced to grow up too soon--to recognize the world for the ugly place it can be. Wary, scared. Reluctant to risk starting a family of their own. The husband. A life filled with guilt. Or denial. Either without his wife-- bouncing from so-called-girlfriend to so-called-girlfriend or still married but separated from her by an insurmountable gulf. Estranged from his children. Alternately remorseful, defiant, enraged.
at work? Will this mean he loses his wife, his children? Why did he do this? Finally there is the abused child himself. What did I do to make Daddy behave that way? Is this going to go on? Is it my fault this happened? Why didn't it happen to the other kids? Or did it? Or does it? Does Mommy know?... If I tell, will Mommy and Daddy split up - will that be my fault? Should I tell someone? Who? Will they believe me? Now add to this each of these people as they age. The grandparents whose
And the victim? A childhood lost. Bouncing from counselor to counselor. Relationship to relationship. Lost. Unfulfilled. Incapable of trusting. Incapable of giving. And now there are new people involved. A victim's spouse. Wondering what's wrong. Why can't they have a normal marriage? Why won't that spouse open and share those deep feelings? And the victim's children. Overprotected. Or maybe neglected by a constantly depressed parent. Living with a lack of joy in the household. Wondering why they never see their grandparents. Or why they never spend time alone with them. Confused. Sad. And all too often, eventually, themselves the victims of abuse.
Hopeless?
No. And this picture isn't always accurate. And it doesn't have to be true. But it's true often enough to make the point that abuse is not a simple thing. It's not something one human being does to one human being one time with no further consequences. It's a terrible, horrible miserable thing which can reach from generation to generation.
And like most diseases it's easier and far less painful to prevent than to heal. Understand that there IS healing available and there IS hope. And it all starts by removing the cloak of secrecy. If you are involved in child abuse in any way-as a victim, as a perpetrator, as a friend or family member, please, by all means, contact someone. Get HELP! We have made available a number of organizations which care and which are equipped to help. Please, for the sake of this and future generations, do it now.
also see "Associated Evils of Abuse"
Email us... © 2006 - 1998 Day of the Child
